Withdrawal of pocket money as an educational measure
Let's look at punishment first. In addition, we assume that your child brings home a bad grade from school. Or it refuses to take on small household tasks. This could include, for example, cleaning up the breakfast table — everyday activities that are part of family life. Now you cut off your child's pocket money in the hope of positively influencing their behavior. An idea that seems plausible at first glance.
However, punishment, for example in the form of a deprivation of pocket money, is not a useful educational measure. Studies showthat in most cases, children do not deal with the reason for the punishment, i.e. their own conduct. Instead, they are concerned with the direct consequences of the punishment. Penalties therefore generally have no learning effect. In addition, children become sad or angry because they feel they have been treated unfairly. Punishment can even harm moral development.
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Expert mentions alternatives to penalties
What parents can do instead of punishing Explained by Aida S. de Rodriguez. She is one of the founders of the APEGO School in Berlin, which is completely free of penalties (and rewards). Instead, the decisions that affect the children are made together with them. de Rodriguez mentions seven alternatives to penalties that you can use instead of withdrawing pocket money, for example:
- Don't focus on behavior, focus on need: If your child is behaving abnormally or aggressively, there is always a reason. It wants to tell you something or needs something. Try to find out the reason and then respond to it in an appropriate way — but not with a penalty.
- Acquire knowledge: Exchange ideas with parents from your environment or on social networks. By sharing experiences, you can better understand your child's behavior. Reading specialist books also helps. And de Rodriguez particularly recommends talking to children to find out more about the reasons for their behavior.
- Press the stop button and get out of the situation with your child: If the situation escalates, it makes sense to pause for a moment and change rooms - and do so together to signal a new start.
- Talk to your child in a quiet minute: If your child doesn't calm down, try talking to them later. Because children are often even more emotional than adults, according to the expert, the probability of a meaningful exchange after a period of “coming down” is significantly higher.
- Look for solutions together: Sit down with your child and discuss the issue. This also makes it easier to find a solution that will satisfy both of you.
- Give yourself a second chance: As when arguing with other adults, de Rodriguez recommends “giving yourself a second chance.” This sounds all too logical when it comes to your own child, but should be understood as a mental strategy: Have the second chance in mind, even if you want to punish your child on the first impulse. If the penalty has already been imposed, you can also withdraw it in the second moment.
- Offer alternatives and be creative: Last but not least, you should come up with creative alternatives to persuade the child to behave differently, according to the expert. She cites “you can jump on the sofa without shoes or you go out to the trampoline” as an example.
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Regular rewards are not effective
The cancellation of pocket money therefore has no positive effect. On the other hand, what about a reward? Can additional pocket money positively change children's behavior - because it provides an incentive? The first impulse is yes. It is not unusual for children to complete a task such as tidying up the room more quickly if they are rewarded immediately afterwards.
But: First, regular rewards do not promote self-drive, the so-called intrinsic motivation. Because the tasks are completed for a reward and not for the actual purpose. And secondly, the reward in the form of additional pocket money gives the feeling that “good deeds” must always be rewarded materially. There are also completely different ways you can reward your child.
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Exchange or praise instead of more pocket money
For example, you can offer your child half an hour more TV time in exchange for a small household task. It is also useful to explain to your child what a positive effect it has when he performs a specific task. For example, a tidy children's room is much easier to play than on a floor full of objects. Your child will also understand this and will probably be much more likely to start tidying up.
Instead of an exchange offer, a simple praise is sometimes enough to make your child see that you are happy when they have completed something. We recommend using both — both small rewards such as exchange offers and words of praise — to an appropriate extent. Because: Taking on small tasks in everyday family life is simply part of it, promotes a sense of community and does not always have to be emphasized as a special act.
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Small extra pocket money for special “jobs”
Finally, a tip about rewarding yourself with extra pocket money: Even though we recommend that you generally not give it out regularly, it is of course possible in exceptional cases to make your child happy. For example, when it comes to special “jobs” such as gardening. There is nothing wrong with rewarding such activities out of line from time to time.
In the Bling Card app, you can automatically reward special tasks with small amounts and have a convenient overview of your child's transactions at any time. At the same time, your child learns to manage their own money - cashless via card and on a credit basis. Find out everything about the many functions of the Bling Card here.
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